I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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