I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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