So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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