and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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