she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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