hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
