wrigley field is MILF paradise
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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