We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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