you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
