Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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