Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
