i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
