a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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