remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
