I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
