theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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