So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize