I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
