fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it's great music for shaving your balls
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Terrible idea I love it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
