there was a trapeze. enough said
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
there is puke in my bra ... again
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
