i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
