he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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