my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
