how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
50% drunk capacity currently
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
