he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
