the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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