I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
