Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
