That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
