I can text with my tongue
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ok first of all what the fuck
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
