think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will be naked everywhere
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
