New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
