If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize