I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
