I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
