you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
