sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
tell me about the fingering
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