I accidentally burped into my bong.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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