OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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