you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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