Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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