I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize