he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
