I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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