$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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