it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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