He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I see more hoeing in ur future
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