I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
