How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
