i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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