just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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