Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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