I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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