So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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