I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
