I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
