Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
