Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
