My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
