halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
