Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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