Having a random hookup so left but love u
i permit you to call me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
