Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
