Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize