idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
