I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
