i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Mom said you looked used
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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