all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
tell me about the eggs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
