We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
