I wanna passion pit in your ass
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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