On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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