Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
