Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
