This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
