I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My dick has a subreddit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
