Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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