tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize