I want to make a zoo with you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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