just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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