Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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