So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
