I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
