I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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