You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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