i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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