sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Need sex. Gaining weight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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