My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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