..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
