pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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