At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
