Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hippo gnu deer
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
