mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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