I think I died a long time ago.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
