while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
