She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
