You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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