i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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