I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
