Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
