"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
