I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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